My Retirement, Dress for Success

Two days of sun and I am doing OK

Looking Goooood?

While spending the evening with my son and his beautiful lady, Gina, Andy suggested that I write a blog about some of my fashion faux pas.  Now none of the following were deliberate, they were just accidents,  miscalculations or just out-of-body experiences.  I have always considered myself as a woman of good taste, but of course, that is my personal opinion.  I am sure the guy who parades naked in Times Square with only a guitar and hat thinks he is quite the style master also. Most of my blunders happened because I have spent a great deal of my life hurrying to get here and there.  Now that I am retired and life has slowed down, incidences like these should lessen.  However, if they continue, my children might think that it is time to investigate what home to put Mom into.  They do love my quirks though and like to have "my crazy mom stories".  So the following are my Lessons Learned..............
 Look before you Leap.

Shoes:  I think that no matter a woman's means, she has more shoes than she needs.  I have the theory that you should keep only as many as will fit in your racks or organizers.  My organizer fits 30 and that really should be enough for all seasons, all special affairs and all "I have no real use for them, but I want those shoes."   Many times when shopping, I will buy two pairs of the same kind but in different colors.  This can lead to awkward situations.  Three or four times I have gone to work wearing two different colors and one time a completely different style.   I was always in a rush when getting dressed, and sometimes did not spend any time really checking out what I was putting on my feet. Alas, on occasions I did not put my shoes away when I took them off but rather would kick them off under my bed.  As I sped to get out the door, I would grab the shoes with my feet and if the heels felt the same, off I went.  I did it so often that I no longer became embarrassed, it was just my fashion statement. 

Never lose your skirt:  I always liked to wear skirts and had a fondness for the wrap-around style. I liked the look, casual, sporty and feminine and they were fine to wear to most places. On my way into work one day and  my hands full of items and holding an umbrella, I walked to my car, not noticing that the wrap-around had unwrapped.  As I put all my stuff in the car, I felt a breeze go though my legs and noticed the bottom half of me was only clothed in a slip (remember them).  About 30 feet from me was my skirt laying in a large puddle of water.  There was no one in the immediate area right then so I swallowed hard and rushed back to retrieve half my outfit.   It was not dirty, just wet, but water dries, so no big thing. 

Watch out for Sales:  I never buy retail, everything always has to be on sale.  One time during my lunch hour and shopping at a mall, I found a sweater laying on low pyramid shelving.  I bent down to pick up an item and decided that  it was just what I was looking for as a present for my son and the sale made it more likable as it was half off.  I bought it quickly and then proceeded to walk around the shopping center for the next half hour.  When I arrived back at work, my boss gave me a funny look and said "you have something on your outfit."  I looked down and there on my right breast was a sign saying 50% off.   I had walked around a busy shopping center with this sign clearly stating that I or my breast was 50% off and nobody took me up on my offer.  I did not know whether to be embarrassed or insulted.  At that point in my life, some parts were still perky, but I still  had no takers.  Sad, sad, sad.

Eyebrows, Lips - what's the difference:  They sell lip liners and eyebrow liners, however, there should be some variance in their packaging.   As stated, I got dressed quickly before going to work and some areas of dress got less attention.  So yes, there was a time that I did put lipstick on my eyebrows which looked fine in the very early morning dimness, however, in the light of day, there was a definite difference.  I worked with very polite people and no one mentioned it to me.  When I got home that evening and looked in the mirror and saw the bright red brows, I wondered if anyone noticed.  The next day I casually mentioned it and yes, everyone had observed my new look. One very nice lady said that since my hair was reddish and she thought me fashionable, that perhaps it was a new trend. Another lady just nodded at me with a blank stare on her face,  and my boss said he thought I might be auditioning for a part in the latest Star Wars production.  I went with the first comment.

Hair Finishing:  Because my hair has never been thick and heavy, I believe in hair spray.  When I was young, Aqua Net was my best friend.  This spray could be used in a tornado; your house could blow away, but your hair style would stay in place.  Over the years I have graduated to better brands with more natural feeling substances.  Aerosol cans all look the same and once when getting ready to go out to dinner,  I just grabbed the large container closest to me off my vanity and sprayed.  Unfortunately, I had just cleaned my sink with Scrubbing Bubbles, which is the same size, has the same weight, and can easily be mistaken for something else.  As the white foam bubbles rose on my head and the tingling sensation was felt on my scalp, I realized it was not the look I was going for.  After washing it out quickly, I noticed that it did give my hair great body and people commented on how nice it looked that evening.  I might have discovered the "next big thing".

This blog is getting long and I could continue my adventures in stupidity, but I will leave it here.  Really though, most of us have done these things at one time, haven't we, really there are other people out there like me, aren't there?